Cat Women Of The Moon (1953)
We have passed the 2000 mile level, are travelling in space.
Speed: 7 miles per second; motors: smooth; fuel consumption:
point oh-eight-six-five; temperature of atom chamber: unchanged;
nitrate pictrate acid: secure!
Wait a minute, Commander! There’s a world full of people
listening in! Are you all right? Could we have a few words from
We’re weighed down at the right – something’s embedded in our
The atom chamber!
Heat radiation going up fast!
Must be a meteor – can we shake it?
Maybe centrifugal force will dislodge it!
I’m okay. Go talk to Laird.
Go on. After all, you’re his
For the duration of this trip, the only relationship I have with
the Commander is a scientific one. This is no time to tamper
with the emotions.
I bet you got that from him.
It’s hooey! You can’t turn love on and off like a faucet!
Believe me, baby, if I ever fell in love with you, I’d chase you
across the world, around the moon, and all the way stations in
between! Aw, go on, beat it!
Helen, who is Alpha?
On the radio you said, ‘Alpha, we’re on our way’.
I don’t remember saying that!
Probably just a touch of space madness!
Without any oxygen, what can you possibly want with cigarettes!?
I feel more at home carrying them.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Almost as silly as that gun, Kip. You know there’s no life on
I guess I’m like Helen: I feel more at home that way!
I wish you’d tell him not to, Laird! Either we’re on a
scientific expedition, or we’re a bunch of boy scouts on an
Laird, look! Moisture!
How can there be water without atmosphere!?
Impossible! Maybe it’s something that only
The scientist doesn’t know enough to come in out of the rain!
Laird, did it ever occur to you that maybe this
On the moon!?
Could be why it’s hard for us to walk! Where there’s atmosphere,
there’s got to be gravitational pull to hold it! Even
Magnetic field on the dark side….could exert a….gravitational
pull, if…. A special one…. Uh…. ‘Course, we’d have
And this is a natural decompression chamber, isn’t it, sir?
[Douglas Fowley earns his "Dialogue
[falling in lurrve]:
I’d like that "driving down to the beach"
bit – stretching out on the sand – just a boy and a girl
together – and – and maybe what you call – a "Coke".
Now, then, which side are you on?
I didn’t know we had
I’m convinced you deliberately led us into this! I’d be very
happy if you’d unconvince
I don’t know what
Co-pilot [grabbing her by the shoulders]:
Look, Helen – I have a very high regard for you! You’re smart,
you have courage – and you’re all
woman! – and if it hadn’t been for Laird, I would have tried to
make it you and me a long time ago!
Flattery will get you no place!
[He grabs her hand]
Get your big hands
Not until you level with me! [She
moans, collapsing against him] Oh,
come on, now! I’m not hurting you
Don’t let go, Kip!
Helen, what’s the matter?
Danger, Kip! They want to kill you! They’ll take the ship, and
they’ll make me go with them!
Kip! They control me!
Even with Laird! I liked you
best – but Laird knew more, so they wanted me with
They don’t control you now,
No! But hang on! Hold on tight!
You’re doggone right I will! You’re doggone
Cat-Woman [demonstrating her knowledge of the
rocketship]: In other words
in a ratio of six-to-one; the speed control retardant; the
stabiliser; and the cut-off!
You’re too smart for me,
baby – I like ‘em stupid!
Four of us will be enough! We will get their women under our
power – and soon we will rule the whole world!
We were just talking shop. Anything wrong with that?
But I don’t want to rule the world! I want to live on it, just
like the Earth people do!
Lambda, we are coming into a new situation. We
bring our culture to Earth!
She’s fallen in love with her radio operator!
Is that true?
What if it is?
Lambda, there is no room in your life for love! We will choose
your man eugenically! You and Beta will have girl children fit
to carry on! The best of the Earth mongrels will be none too
No, not a thing – except that the Cat-Women are planning to
steal our ship, and Helen’s tied body and soul to them!
That’s a lie!
I resent that, Kip! What’s your evidence?
Well, for one thing, Doug got the dope from little Lambda. For
another, Helen told me herself. We were out on the terrace, and
she told me to hold her tight. Not to kiss her; just to hold her
[Light dawns; he grabs her
Let go of my hand!!
Navigator [collapsing against him and moaning]:
Now – let’s set the record straight: are you in love with Laird?
And were you bleeding him for information to pass onto Alpha?
And who – who
do you really
Chopper Chicks In Zombietown (1989)
You’re the Sluts! Try and act like it!
Mad mortician: "Bring
back the dead? You’re mad!" they said - and mind you, this is
the United States government!
I’ll tell you a secret. I didn’t do it for science. And I didn’t
do it for glory. I’M JUST MEAN!!
Zombie's son: Ah, jeez,
Dad. Look, maybe if you don’t eat anyone, nobody’ll notice.
El Conde Dracula (1970)
But what of – Count Dracula? I escaped from his castle but he
followed me with the others, disguised as bats –
With great teeth, waiting for my blood…. The bats were real! As
big as men!! Why don’t you believe
Ah, good morning, my dear. You have become not only a nurse, but
a servant! I shall miss you when you go back to London.
Let’s get into the protective clothing. I want to go home.
This hold’s full of coffee!
‘UniverX’? Funny name for Columbian coffee. What do you
How would I know from coffee? I never drink the stuff.
What is strange is
What do you think they are, doc?
They could be something like a – a giant squash, or
avocado, or some kind of marrow---
They look like big green eggs to me!
---and as soon as I was informed, I gave orders to totally
isolate the pier and place it under absolute maximum
Good! Put Emergency Plan 7 into effect!
Aris! Control yourself!
You can hear me? You can hear me! You have the nerve to
come in here and tell me to control myself? They’ve been giving
me a smoke-cure! Wearing me out – washing me down – for
six hours! Then they
leave me here, freezing my balls off! – and then
you come in, and dare to tell
me to keep my self-control, baby!?
Don’t call me ‘baby’, young man!
And you don’t
call me a young man –
babe! It might not show right now, but I’m a police lieutenant –
And I’m a
colonel. Internal security, responsible directly to the
President – Special Division 5!
Now – exactly what did you see on board? You talked about eggs –
is that correct?
Uh, well.... As a matter of fact, they did
look like eggs – but the size of pumpkins! And like footballs!
need one of those eggs immediately! But we’ll have to be very
careful how we do it. Call in the Special Section, Squad 2!
The first examinations all show the same results: this is
not an egg, but an
intensive culture of unknown bacteria; pathogenous, perhaps, but
I still don’t know. But what we might define as the egg’s
yolk is a pre-set maturisation culture.
First we have to find out who was supposed to receive this
I already know: it’s an import-export company. No
offices, just a warehouse in the Bronx.
Oh, my God! Call it intuition – ! I think they plan to
put them in the sewers!
[Word association? “Bronx?” “Sewers!”]
Since I last saw you, Dr Hilton and I have successfully analysed
the yolk of the egg. There! These are segmented dodecadric
I don’t believe these belong to our planet.
Do you mean....they come from
Why not? How many worlds are there in the universe?
Millions! Perhaps billions! True, they’re millions of light
years away; but perhaps a form of life like this doesn’t have
the same concept of time that we do. It stays inactive – passive
– as long as it’s in the absolute freezing temperature of
sidereal space! Then, once it falls into the atmosphere like
ours, the seeds germinate, and the eggs grow.
man could quite easily have brought the seeds here!
But a man would never do
anything like that!
[A woman, maybe....]
Well, come on, Colonel, what
is it you want to
know? How many times a week I screw?
If you’re always in this condition, it’s quite obvious
you couldn’t get it up – even if you used a crane.
What a waste of a good-looking woman! Is something wrong with
her, or is she just married?
Yeah, to a test-tube and a whip. You know, I don’t think
the colonel would have been out of place in the snow cave on
You know, all women are alike! All over the world! It’s
just a matter of handling them properly. Now, I treat all women
gently. Don’t worry! I have no intention of trying. I’m
warm-blooded – I don’t like the cold!
We would like to buy a large amount of your coffee. You know,
somebody told us that here you toast a very special brand of
Yes! – a very, very special kind!
[Undercover experts at work.]
It’s time for you to come.
To the Cyclops!
Yes! The Cyclops!
[Who needs Brando when you’ve got Ian McCulloch?]
Crack in the World (1965)
the Commission. They’re acting up.
theory bothering them?
First scientist: No, it’s the
budget that bothers them. I could blow up the whole world with
their blessing - if I did it cheaply enough.
it the truth....]
It’s following a geological flaw in the earth’s crust known as
the Masado fault. That runs from here, to the tip of India, then
veers across towards Indonesia, then terminates off the
Australian continental shelf.
[Whoo hoo! I
living in the middle of a lithospheric plate!]
What if the crack keeps going - right around the world? What
Scientist: Where the land masses
split the oceans will be sucked in, and the colossal pressure
generated by the steam will rip the earth apart - and destroy
Layperson: You mean - the world
will come to an end!?
Scientist: The world as
know it, yes. As a cloud of astral dust, it will continue to
move within the solar system.
[That’s what’s known as "scientific
The Creeper (1948)
You may be right, Jim. Logically right. But morally in my
catalogue of values man comes first. Without man, there wouldn’t
even be a science!
Evil scientist: The trouble with
you is, you’re
not a scientist! You’re a
philosopher. In our world, there’s no room for philosophers!
Good scientist: That’s precisely
what’s wrong. There’s no place for the philosopher – the man
whose sole function it is, just to think. How wonderful to have
nothing to do but – just to think…!
Let’s publish what we’ve learned and let it go at that.
Evil scientist: Don’t tell me you
can open the door to a great discovery – actually stand on the
threshold – and not go any further!
Good scientist: Jim, please!
Granted, we’re the only men to introduce phosphorescence into
living cell tissue. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been the great boon
to surgery we’d expected.
Evil scientist: Well, there’s
something bigger than that! Can’t you see it?
Good scientist: I see it all too
clearly. It is big. Too big! We can’t control it! We’d be
releasing energies that would result only in mutations,
monstrosities, and death!
[introducing his lab mice]:
Come over here and meet my favourite characters! See the fat
one? That’s Gertrude. She’s a wonderful mother. That skinny
one’s Ophelia. She has a suicide complex, poor thing. That chap
who’s looking at you so brazenly, he’s a regular old rip! See
the plump one? That’s Sandra. She’s a cute little---
[He is interrupted by the sound of
breaking glass] Where’d she go?
Female scientist: It’s nothing,
Male scientist: What do you mean,
nothing? People don’t just drop glasses and run out of offices!
Or maybe it’s me. Do you think I have five o’clock shadow?
Concerned father: You know, honey,
what you need is a nice, long vacation, away from theories, and
test-tubes, and guinea-pig cats….
[picking up cat]: Here he is!
Second scientist: Where do you
suppose he was?
First scientist: Probably at the
end of the hallway. He loves those little guinea-pigs. But
they’re bad for him, so full of flu germs….
Native: My wife! My wife, doctor,
she’s dead! Yesterday, she was fine, she was happy, but tonight
she turned very white and swift she died!
Female scientist: Of course,
wouldn’t feel qualified, but – if I
did hazard a
diagnosis, I should say that there were definite symptoms of
schizophrenia. Tell me, Nora, don’t you ever find yourself
awakening from some horribly realistic dream, in which you were
another person? Perhaps not even another person; an animal; a –
a cat? And don’t you ever feel, on awakening, that it wasn’t a
dream, but true? That you are two separate beings, one the Nora
we know, and the other---
[I’m glad she doesn’t feel qualified]
Female scientist: He’s dead?
Female scientist: How about taking
in a movie and dinner?
Male scientist: Why does this
happen to me!
Male scientist: All right, Gwenn.
Female scientist: You don’t want
Male scientist: I didn’t say I
didn’t want to go.
Female scientist: You don’t sound
Male scientist: Please don’t try
to be difficult.
Female scientist: You’d rather see
her, is that it?
Male scientist: Please, Gwenn!
I’ll pick you up in half an hour.
Female scientist: Don’t bother!
You mean to much to me to be a burden to you.
Male scientist: I’ll see you
tomorrow. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood.
Female scientist: I’ll be working
tomorrow. And I’ll be working day after tomorrow! From now on,
I’ll always be working! That’s all I’m good for anyway, work,
work, work! I might as well resign myself to it!
[There’s a reason female scientists don’t
The Creeping Flesh (1972)
Famous last words:
I’m a scientist, not a madman!
serum! Thank God we didn’t use it on a human being!
Guilty scientist: Errr...
The experiments on the patients prove nothing. They’re already
insane. Until you can artificially cause insanity, you can prove
Mad doctor: Well, unfortunately,
in the state of society today, we are not permitted to
experiment on human beings. Normal human beings.
I don’t know. It is a question of professional ethics--
Mad doctor: Oh, indeed, indeed.
That is why I shall have to employ someone for whom ethics have
Curse Of The Swamp Creature (1966)
You seem to have forgotten that I want no visitors.
No-one must enter the swamp! Whoever attempts to enter the swamp
– if they get by the
quicksand – I want you to stop them! My work
must be protected!
Keep all strangers out of my swamp!
Nice to meet you, Mr West!
Call me ‘Driscoll’!
You look lonely.
And you can cure that?
I can try!
Sometimes the cure is worse than the illness.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
[Some women just don’t know an insult when they hear one, do
What about the body?
Remember that – stump-cutter they used to clear the
swamps out with…?
seconds and coffee, while
we do all the work!
That’s what a college education does for ya!
I’m glad you question my work, Tom. If I hadn’t
questioned my teacher’s work, I wouldn’t be here today.
Man has to find the answers, right?
Of course. But it gets to me…. Well, sir, in med school
we used animals----
The best study of man is man himself. Now, this isn’t an
ivory tower! Get back to the laboratory! I want to see your work
Doctor, I’ve mastered it! Look at that!
I agree! That gill transplant is as fine as any
I can do! Very good!
Do you believe that we can do the gill transplant on
other animals as well as we did on the crocodiles?
Doctor, I was thinking: just the work you’ve done with
the crocodiles, in taking them back along the evolutionary path
and making them into fish would be enough to win you world
Yes, but – acclaim - ? That’s
nothing! To create
life! To move it at will up and down the evolutionary path!
That’s – something!
You’re ready. Awake! The sound of my voice is your master!
Get up! Get up! The world awaits you as my first citizen!
You killed Tom!
Tom is not dead! Now, you listen: Tom is
not dead! He
volunteered for the final experiment.
Oh! That’s a lie! He’d never volunteer for
that! Who’d want to
be turned into one of your pet monsters?
Don’t you ever
say that! You’ve always been too young and too stupid to
understand my work!
I’m afraid, my dear, that you’re going to put me in a
very bad position.
Then why don’t you just kill me right now?
Kill you? I’ve no intention of –
Well, Tom – at last you’re going to make a contribution
to science! Everyone has his place in the field of research.
Tom? Tom, are you listening? Nod your head if you are! You'’e
doing fine -–fine! You’re strong. You can stay under water
indefinitely. You’re almost bulletproof! I’m envious of you,
Tom! Hmm? Are you hungry? How clumsy of me! Let me get you a
[He hands ‘Tom’ a
Here, boy! Here!
You’re ready to come off the preserver, and make your
debut – my beautiful, indestructible fishman!
How can you look for oil without equipment –
seismographs, drilling equipment?
Well – it’s not
We have a great deal in common!
You’re looking for
the result of the evolutionary process, and
I am investigating –
the evolution process.
What are you working on?
Are you familiar with the Oceana theory of evolution?
Uh-huh. Seems to me it’s, uh, s-something about, uh –
land life from the sea?
That’s the theory. Specifically, what makes it so
important in my mind
is that it deals with the evolution of man from the reptiles.
For example – sea creatures, simple land creatures, snake-like
reptiles, alligator-like reptiles, the dinosaurs – and somewhere
along the line, man!
You mean man hasn’t descended from the apes, but from
Ritchie, that’s it in a nutshell! I happen to believe in
the basic theory. The swamps provide me with the necessary forms
of life to investigate: alligators, snakes, fish – and so
She did it,
Tom! She turned off the preserver machine before you were ready!
Everything was going
beautifully! For the first time, everything was controlled!
Live, Tom! Live! Breathe! Breathe!
You’re a perfect subject for the new derivatives! My dear
Mrs West, I believe you will be an instantaneous transmutation!
Deep Core (2000)
We take the Series II vehicle from the Hainan facility; we dig
three deep core wells, here, here and here. That should vent the
tectonic pressure and stabilise the plates---
You gotta be kidding me!
You know, I don’t have to take this---
You just breached the mantle! Look, the earth’s core is like an
engine, okay? – and it’s whining full out in neutral. If you
drill those holes--- What’d you call them? Vents? You might as
well call them afterburners! You’ve just created directional
propulsion, like a jet – only you’ve dropped the engine from
neutral down to drive. You’ve just accelerated the hell out of
what you started!
Okay, Mr Wizard---
Wizard to you!
A nuclear bomb! Are you out of your mind!?
No, not ‘a’
nuclear bomb: we need a series of them; we need synchronised
detonation at precise seams along the plate.
Evil corporate type:
How do you propose to set off a synchronised detonation?
You daisy-chain them with fibre optics.
And that should initiate a sub-tectonic wave form which
Shift the Pacific plates several miles in a few minutes! Do you
have any idea what that will do!?
It should drive the plates right into the Java Trench.
would cool the mantle!
What’s that flange for?
You know, I don’t know. That’s one of the modifications for the
No, you’ve misunderstood my question. Let me re-phrase: what is
a flange with seatings for explosive bolts doing on the back of
They said something about a cargo hold.
What would a drilling machine need a cargo hold for?
Look – it was an easy alteration, so I made it. Okay?
MIT is proud of her]
And with the end of the world imminent:
Look, there’s no time to work out the details with those guys in
there! It’s either my team or no team – or you can put Saunders
here in charge!
Oh, you don’t think that I could be in charge?
Evil corporate type:
Look, that was never an option. If you can’t even get on with
him now, we’re not going to have a team.
Fine! Then I’m not on the team!
Evil corporate type:
Oh, look, don’t---
No, no! I’ll be in my quarters!
heroine, ladies and gentlemen….]
The U-joint is
How long’s it going to take?
Twenty, twenty-five minutes.
Tell you what: you make if fifteen, and Mr Wizard will show you
his favourite magic trick.
I thought that was Doctor Wizard?
Demon Seed (1977)
Scientist: At the risk of being simplistic,
what you're looking at is a quasi-neural matrix of synthetic RNA
The Devil Bat (1941)
Mad doctor [addressing his giant bat]:
Ah, my friend! Our theory of glandular stimulation
through electrical impulses was correct!
Mad doctor: Aren’t you
curious about my new formula?
Victim #1: Yes, of course, but I didn’t
want to be inquisitive. What is it?
Mad doctor: A new shaving lotion. Smell
Victim #1: Pretty strong, isn’t it?
Mad doctor: No, no! The scent evaporates
a short time after you’ve used it. Try a few drops. Now, rub it
here, on the tender part of your neck! Soothing,
Victim #1: Yes! When will it be ready
for the market?
Mad doctor: Oh, it’s still in the
experimental stage. I want to try it out on several people
first, and see if it works!
Victim #1: Well, if you’d like to send
me a bottle, I’d be glad to try it out. Goodnight, Doctor.
Mad doctor: Goodbye, Roy!
Apologetic woman: Look, Don,
I’ve loved you a long time, ever since we were kids – but I’m
afraid it’s been more like a sister.
Rejected suitor: Well! I had no idea
you felt that way!
Editor: Say, have you ever
had a date with a girl?
Reporter: A girl? Oh, yes, a girl! I
believe I did take a girl out once.
Editor: Well, did she smell sweet?
Reporter: Of course she smelled sweet!
Most girls do!
Editor: Well, that’s because of Martin
Heath Cosmetics, Ltd. They make all that goo that the women put
on their faces so they won’t have to wash with soap and water!
Young woman: Oh, here comes
Dr Carruthers! Hello, Doctor.
Mad doctor: Hello, Mary! I took a
shortcut from my laboratory through a garden hedge!
Young woman: What do you
think of Dr Carruther’s theory about a wild animal, Mr Layton?
Reporter: Well, frankly, I don’t think
much of it.
Mad doctor: I can’t say that I blame
you. But I, as a scientist, take many things into consideration
that a layman might overlook!
Photographer: A little more
French maid: I do not understand!
Photographer: Aw, you know what I mean!
A little more of your stocking!
French maid [raising her skirt]: Like
Photographer: Sure I like ‘em! Who
Photographer: I’ll be back in
a minute, Frenchie! And don’t worry none about those werewolves,
‘cause nothin’s gunna harm ya while I’m around!
French maid: You make Maxine feel so
calm – my big, brave journalist!
Victim #2: That feels great!
Mad doctor: I don’t think you’ll
ever use anything else!
Reporter: You, my friend, are
going to get a shot of the Devil Bat in action!
Photographer: Who, me? How?
Reporter: Have you noticed there’s a
taxidermist’s shop in the village?
Photographer: Well, you wouldn’t suggest
that I go out and stuff a bird, would you?
Reporter: One-Shot! To think that you
would even hint that I would suggest you get the village
taxidermist to build you a nice, big bat for pictorial purposes!
Besides, a bat isn’t a bird, it’s a mammal.
Photographer: Well, why didn’t you say
so in the first place? Where is this bird-stuffing emporium?
Radio broadcaster: I have as
my guest in the studio Professor Percival Garland Rains, perhaps
the world’s greatest authority on animal life! I am going to
interview Professor Rains on the subject of the Devil Bat. Our
radio audience can draw its own conclusion. Professor Rains,
first let me ask you point blank, do you believe that any such
creature as the Devil Bat exists?
Expert: I do not! In the Dark Ages, when
men and women lived in caves, there may have existed a bat of
this size, but not in this day and age!
[Yup – he’s
an expert, all right!]
Police chief: If you suspect
Carruthers, you’re barking up the wrong tree, Johnny. He’s the
last man in this town that would harm anyone. Why, everybody
Reporter: Maybe so, but here’s something
else I dug out! The Heath and Morton fortunes are based on a
greaseless cold-cream formula that Carruthers invented!
Police chief: Our police
chemists couldn’t break down one of the ingredients. We thought
perhaps you could.
Mad doctor: Why, I compounded this
myself! It’s a new shaving lotion I’m experimenting with! The
ingredient your chemists couldn’t break down I discovered years
ago in Tibet.
Reporter: How did you happen to put it
in a shaving lotion?
Mad doctor: Oh, the lamas use it in some
of their religious rites as a perfume!
Expert: I was still sceptical
when I came to Heathville today to examine the body of this
so-called "Devil Bat". But after seeing it personally, and
making exhaustive research, I have arrived at the conclusion
that the creature is the lone survivor of a type of giant bat
that existed in great numbers during the early part of the
Neolithic Age! Perhaps I should explain for the benefit of some
of our listeners that the Neolithic Age is that period of
antiquity commonly called the "Stone Age"….
Mad doctor [listening to broadcast]: Imbecile!
Mad doctor: Rub a few drops
on your face!
Victim #4: Well, I’d rather wait until
after I shave. Then my skin will be more tender and receptive to
Mad doctor: Well, ah--- Just a little,
here. The texture of the skin there is always very
Victim #4: You never know
what’s going to happen in this business!
Mad doctor: You can believe me,
Henry: you don’t have to worry!
Victim #4: I’ve been going
over the report of the company’s annual earnings. A net profit
of over a million dollars! Not bad, eh? – when you remember what
we built on: a mere ten thousand dollars for your formula! You
shouldn’t have demanded all cash, Doc. You should have ridden
along with us. Then you’d be rich, too! Ah, but then,
you’ve had a lot of fun in your laboratory, with your
experiments, dreaming up something new. You’re a dreamer, Doc.
Too much money’s bad for dreamers!
him "Mr Tact"….]
Victim #4: Your nerves are
frayed, Doc. Now, calm down – get a grip on yourself! You’ve
been working too hard on your formula!
Mad doctor: Formula! That’s but
child’s play for a great scientist! Your brain is too feeble to
conceive what I accomplished in the world of science!
Victim #4: I think I’ve got a clue to all those
murders! It may peter out, but if half what I suspect is true,
it’s the most diabolical plot that a madman ever concocted!
Reporter: Tell me, Doc: how
did you develop a monster bat like that?
Mad doctor: You wouldn’t
understand the scientific theory!
The Devil-Doll (1936)
Male mad scientist: You’ve been working! I knew
it by the howling of the dogs!
Male mad scientist: I know our mistake now! It came to
me one night in that cesspool of stupid minds.
Female mad scientist: Marcel! Marcel!
Male mad scientist: No more failures, Malita!
The next one will have a perfect brain!
Banker: Why, it feels warm! Almost flesh and bone –
like the real animal.
Mad scientist: It is! Eight hours ago it was a
full-grown St Bernard! Ah, you think I’m mad…. The world would
think so too, if they knew what I was going to do. Lavond, my
friend, millions of years ago the creatures that roamed this
world were gigantic. As they multiplied, the Earth could no
longer produce enough food. Think of it, Lavond! Every living
creature reduced to one sixth its size! One sixth its physical
need! Food for six times all of us! Lavond! You know that all
matter is composed of atoms?
Banker: Yes, yes, of course I know.
Mad scientist: And all atoms are made of
Banker: Yes, I know.
Mad scientist: Well, I’ve found a way to reduce
all atoms in a body simultaneously, to any desired degree, and
still maintain life, as in this little dog.
Banker: Well, then, the dog should be alive.
Mad scientist: It is! It is! Only, in reducing
the brain, all records were wiped off! No memory left! No will
of its own!
Male mad scientist [looking at the housemaid]: Malita,
where did you get her?
Female mad scientist: In a Berlin slum. She’s
an inbred peasant half-wit.
Female mad scientist: Marcel is dead!
Banker: Poor tortured brain! Well, perhaps it’s
better this way….
Banker: This is like some horrible dream! I don’t want
any part of this! Restore her to what she was!
Female mad scientist: No ! She will always
remain small! Small! We can make the whole world small, as
Female mad scientist: It might be safer to take him
downstairs and make him small…?
Banker: He already is small, in mind. In fact,
Malita, if most men were reduced to the dimensions of their
mentality, Marcel’s plan wouldn’t be necessary.
Police chief: I wouldn’t get too upset about that note,
M. Matin. Probably not for you at all. Just some – religious
fanatic. The city’s full of them around Christmas.
Crook: We’re gunna be rich, boys. You
hear that, Chica?
Local girl: I heard, Hacker.
Crook: You don’t sound too happy about
Local girl: Should I be?
Crook: Why, sure! You’re my little
tamale, aren’t you?
Local girl: Senor Bart, when I was a little girl in
another country, there was a revolution. My father taught me how
to make bombs out of bottles and gasoline. We use some, no?
Engineer: We use some, yes!
Crook: Jasper, your intelligence never ceases to
amaze me. I didn’t know you were an anthropologist.
Goon: Not a very good one, boss. I mean,
I haven’t been to church in years.
Kid: Remember, you’re the friendly vegetarian, like
it says on the cereal packet. Hey, you are friendly! We are
going to be friends, you and me. That’s the bad tyrannosaurus!
You better run and find a swamp to hide in, where he won’t
follow you, ‘cause if he catches us, he’ll eat us both of us up.
He’ll like you better than me, ‘cause you’re bigger, and I don’t
want him to eat you. Run! I know you don’t know which way to
run, and I wish I could tell you, but you see I’m just a boy,
and I’m lost, ‘cause I don’t go out at night by myself and I
don’t know where the swamps are….
[And so on…and on…and on…]
Abducted woman: Now, now. Nice caveman. You just
sit there and I’ll fix things in the kitchen. Now, let’s see.
What does a caveman do after a hard day in the jungle? No, don’t
tell me. Let me think of something on my own. Like sitting down.
And we’ll keep all the thoughts out of our romantic little
Neanderthal mind. Okay? Let’s see. Maybe if I sing to you a
song, you’ll fall asleep, and I can run away from you, hmm?
"Lullaby, and goodnight
Go to sleep little caveman…."