AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SCIENTIST!
IMMORTAL DIALOGUE
Home / Science Fiction / Horror / Fantasy / Nature Strikes Back / Cult / Psychos / Science In The Reel World / It's A Disaster! / Etc., Etc., Etc. / Et Al. / Immortal Dialogue / Links
From Captive Wild Woman (1943)

Patient’s sister [reading aloud]:  Dr Sigmund Walters of Crestview Sanatorium has furthered not one but three attempts at racial improvement, for he has discovered Vitamin E-2, which he believes determines the physical characteristics of all forms of animal life, the 48 chromosomes which pattern heredity, and numerous hormones...

Patient’s sister:  After we were through talking,  I realised we were lucky to get him – because he really is a very famous scientist...besides being one of the most charming men I ever met.

Scientist:  It’s been proved beyond doubt that glands can transform physical matter into any size, shape or appearance.

Scientist:  If we’ve been able to create, through the medium of glandular extraction, such specimens as we have, what’s to prevent us transfusing these glandular extractions from a human being into a higher type of animal?
Assistant:
  The authorities! They wouldn’t permit it!
Scientist:
  I see you’re not truly a scientist at heart...

Assistant:  Look at this girl, doctor! Slowly but surely you’re sapping the life out of her! It’s murder, doctor – you can’t do it!
Scientist:
  Why should a single life be considered so important?

Assistant:
  For thirteen years I’ve worked with you – shared your experiments – watched you gain the highest honours in the field of endocrinology! I’ve seen you gain control over the physical characteristics of men, and change the breed and sex of animals. I’ve listened to your dreams of creating a race of supermen!
Scientist:
  Isn’t that a laudable intent?
Assistant:  But while you’ve been doing this, you’ve lost sight of something else – yourself! I saw it start, and watched it grow; watched a brain that once was fine and brilliant begin to warp, and tamper with things no man or woman should ever touch!

Assistant:
  Now you propose to experiment with an ape and a woman! That woman must eventually die!
Scientist:
  Then she’ll in the advancement of science!

Scientist:  I operated on you! Grafted glands from a living woman into your body, watched you transform! Now I have to do it all over again – graft new glands into your body! Maybe another brain operation...

Scientist:  You’re about to witness something that no human eyes have ever seen – the transformation of an animal into a human being!

.

From Cat Women Of The Moon (1953)

Commander:  We have passed the 2000 mile level, are travelling in space. Speed: 7 miles per second; motors: smooth; fuel consumption: point oh-eight-six-five; temperature of atom chamber: unchanged; nitrate pictate acid: secure!

Mission control:  Wait a minute, Commander! There’s a world full of people listening in! Are you all right? Could we have a few words from the crew?
Commander:  NO!!

Co-pilot:  We’re weighed down at the right – something’s embedded in our rear section!
Commander:  The atom chamber!
Engineer:  Heat radiation going up fast!
Navigator:  Must be a meteor – can we shake it?
Commander:  Maybe centrifugal force will dislodge it!

Commander: For the rest of this journey, we operate strictly by the book! The planners of this mission have foreseen every contingency.
Navigator:  We hope.
Commander:  We do more than hope! We work with confidence!

Co-pilot:  I’m okay. Go talk to Laird.
Navigator:
  Hmm?
Co-pilot:  Go on. After all, you’re his girl.
Navigator:  For the duration of this trip, the only relationship I have with the Commander is a scientific one. This is no time to tamper with the emotions.
Co-pilot:  I bet you got that from him.
Navigator:  It’s true.
Co-pilot: It’s hooey! You can’t turn love on and off like a faucet! Believe me, baby, if I ever fell in love with you, I’d chase you across the world, around the moon, and all the way stations in between! Aw, go on, beat it!

Commander:  Helen, who is Alpha?
Navigator:  Alpha?
Commander:  On the radio you said, ‘Alpha, we’re on our way’.
Navigator:  I don’t remember saying that!
Commander:  Probably just a touch of space madness!

Commander:  Youd better pick your landing spot and start figuring.
Navigator:  I already have. Were on course.
Commander:  Thats what I call a navigator!
Navigator:  Its a valley on the dark side of the moon.
Commander:  The dark side? How could you possibly know anything about the dark side? All man has ever seen is the bright side.
Navigator:  Well, the bright side cuts across a part of this valley. You can just barely see it on the photographs.
Commander:  Why there? We planned to study the bright side and then circle to the dark side!
Navigator:  Please, Laird! This is a perfect landing spot, believe me! I dont know why I know it, but---I know it for sure.
Commander:  Well, youre the navigator.

Co-pilot:  Without any oxygen, what can you possibly want with cigarettes!?
Navigator:  I feel more at home carrying them.
Co-pilot:  Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Commander:  Almost as silly as that gun, Kip. You know there’s no life on the moon!
Co-pilot:  I guess I’m like Helen: I feel more at home that way!
Navigator: I wish you’d tell him not to, Laird! Either we’re on a scientific expedition, or we’re a bunch of boy scouts on an outing!

Commander:  Theres too much infantile romanticism in this crew!

Co-pilot:  Laird, look! Moisture!
Radio operator:  How can there be water without atmosphere!?
Commander:  Impossible! Maybe it’s something that only looks like water!
Co-pilot: The scientist doesn’t know enough to come in out of the rain! Laird, did it ever occur to you that maybe this is atmosphere?
Commander:  On the moon!?
Co-pilot:  Could be why it’s hard for us to walk! Where there’s atmosphere, there’s got to be gravitational pull to hold it! Even I know that!

Commander:  Magnetic field on the dark side….could exert a….gravitational pull, if…. A special one…. Uh…. Course, we’d have to….uh….verify it….
Engineer:  And this is a natural decompression chamber, isn’t it, sir?
[Douglas Fowley earns his "Dialogue Director"’s credit]

First Cat-Woman:  We need no language. We are capable of projecting our thoughts great distances - as you well know. Someday we will teach you. In the meantime, we will speak your tongue, just as we speak all Earth's tongues.
Second Cat-Woman: Don't forget, our generation pre-dates yours by centuries!

Navigator:  What you taught me about celestial navigation made me look like quite a genius! But - why me, Alpha, and not the others?
Cat-Woman:  Hmmph! We have no use for
men
!

Navigator:  My knowledge is limited to navigation - can you run the ship without them?
First Cat-Woman:  They will teach us how.
Navigator:  But you said you had no control over them
Second Cat-Woman:  Show us their weak points - we'll take care of the rest!

Commander:  Helen! They speak English!
Navigator:
  Theirs is an ancient culture! Their communication system is far in advance to ours!

Cat-Woman [falling in lurrve]:  I’d like that "driving down to the beach" bit – stretching out on the sand – just a boy and a girl together – and – and maybe what you call a – a "Coke".

Co-pilot:  Now, then, which side are you on?
Navigator:  I didn’t know we had sides!
Co-pilot:  I’m convinced you deliberately led us into this! I’d be very happy if you’d unconvince me!
Navigator:  I don’t know what you mean!
Co-pilot [grabbing her by the shoulders]:  Look, Helen – I have a very high regard for you! You’re smart, you have courage – and you’re all woman! – and if it hadn’t been for Laird, I would have tried to make it you and me a long time ago!
Navigator:  Flattery will get you no place!
Co-pilot:  Helen!
[He grabs her hand]

Navigator:
  Get your big hands off me!!
Co-pilot:
  Not until you level with me! [She moans, collapsing against him] Oh, come on, now! I’m not hurting you that much!
Navigator:  Don’t let go, Kip!
Co-pilot:  Helen, what’s the matter?
Navigator:  Danger, Kip! They want to kill you! They’ll take the ship, and they’ll make me go with them!
Co-pilot:  Well, how?
Navigator:  They can, Kip! They control me!
Co-pilot:  Control you!?
Navigator:  Even with Laird! I liked you best – but Laird knew more, so they wanted me with him!
Co-pilot:  They don’t control you now, do they?
Navigator:  No! But hang on! Hold on tight!
Co-pilot:  You’re doggone right I will! You’re DOG-GONE right!
[They kiss passionately]

Co-pilot:  How do these Cat-Women intend to play their hand?
Navigator:  Not for a few days.

Cat-Woman [demonstrating her knowledge of the rocketship]: In other words – this controls this, in a ratio of six-to-one; the speed control retardant; the stabiliser; and the cut-off!
Engineer:  You’re too smart for me, baby – I like ’em stupid!

Cat-Woman:  Please, save yourself!
Radio operator:  From what?
Cat-Woman:  From me! Because I love you, Doug! - and yet I must kill you!
Radio operator:  I love you, too, Lambda! - and Im not afraid!

First Cat-Woman:  Four of us will be enough! We will get their women under our power – and soon we will rule the whole world!
Second Cat-Woman:  But I don’t want to rule the world! I want to live on it, just like the Earth people do!
First Cat-Woman:  Lambda, we are coming into a new situation. We must bring our culture to Earth!
Second Cat-Woman:  No!
Third Cat-Woman:  She’s fallen in love with a radio operator!
First Cat-Woman:  Is that true?
Second Cat-Woman:  And what if it is?
First Cat-Woman:  There is no room in your life for love! We will choose your man eugenically! You and Beta will have girl children fit to carry on! The best of the Earth mongrels will be none too good!

Commander:  We were just talking shop. Anything wrong with that?
Co-pilot:  No, not a thing – except that the Cat-Women are planning to steal our ship, and Helen’s tied body and soul to them!
Navigator:  That’s a lie!
Commander:  I resent that, Kip! What’s your evidence?
Co-pilot:  Well, for one thing, Doug got the dope from little Lambda. For another, Helen told me herself. We were out on the terrace, and she told me to hold her tight. Not to kiss her; just to hold her ha---
[Light dawns; he grabs her hand]
Navigator:
  Let go of my hand!!
Co-pilot:  Not this time, baby!
Navigator [collapsing against him and moaning]: Oh…thank you, Kip!
Co-pilot:  Now – let’s set the record straight: are you in love with Laird?
Navigator:  No!
Co-pilot:  And were you bleeding him for information to pass onto Alpha?
Navigator:  Yes!
Co-pilot:  And who – do you really love?
Navigator:  YOU!!
[They kiss passionately]
.

From Chopper Chicks In Zombietown (1989)

Gang leader:  You’re the Sluts! Try and act like it!

Mad mortician:
  "Bring back the dead? You’re mad!" they said - and mind you, this is the United States government!


Mad mortician:
  I’ll tell you a secret. I didn’t do it for science. And I didn’t do it for glory. I’M JUST MEAN!!

Zombie's son:
Ah, jeez, Dad. Look, maybe if you don’t eat anyone, nobody’ll notice.
.
From El Conde Dracula (1970)

Patient
:
  But what of – Count Dracula? I escaped from his castle but he followed me with the others, disguised as bats – giant bats! With great teeth, waiting for my blood…. The bats were real! As big as men!! Why don’t you believe me!!??

Doctor
:
  Ah, good morning, my dear. You have become not only a nurse, but a servant! I shall miss you when you go back to London.
.
From Contamination (1980)

Expert:  Let’s get into the protective clothing. I want to go home.

Cop:  This hold’s full of coffee!
Expert:  ‘UniverX’? Funny name for Columbian coffee. What do you think, Lieutenant?
Cop:  How would I know from coffee? I never drink the stuff. What is strange is this ‘X’!

Cop:  What do you think they are, doc?
Expert:  They could be something like a – a giant squash, or avocado, or some kind of marrow---
Cop:  They look like big green eggs to me!

Federal agent:  ---and as soon as I was informed, I gave orders to totally isolate the pier and place it under absolute maximum  security.
Colonel:  Good! Put Emergency Plan 7 into effect!

Colonel:  Aris! Control yourself!
Cop:  You can hear me? You can hear me! You have the nerve to come in here and tell me to control myself? They’ve been giving me a smoke-cure! Wearing me out – washing me down – for six hours! Then they leave me here, freezing my balls off! – and then you come in, and dare to tell me to keep my self-control, baby!?
Colonel:  Don’t call me ‘baby’, young man!
Cop:  And you don’t call me a young man – babe! It might not show right now, but I’m a police lieutenant – got that?
Colonel:  And I’m a colonel. Internal security, responsible directly to the President – Special Division 5!

Colonel:  Now – exactly what did you see on board? You talked about eggs – is that correct?
Cop:  Uh, well.... As a matter of fact, they did look like eggs – but the size of pumpkins! And like footballs!

Colonel:  I need one of those eggs immediately! But we’ll have to be very careful how we do it. Call in the Special Section, Squad 2!

Scientist:  The first examinations all show the same results: this is not an egg, but an intensive culture of unknown bacteria; pathogenous, perhaps, but definitely deadly!
Colonel:  Artificial?
Scientist:  I still don’t know. But what we might define as the egg’s yolk is a pre-set maturisation culture.

Colonel:  First we have to find out who was supposed to receive this lethal cargo.
Cop:  I already know: it’s an import-export company. No offices, just a warehouse in the Bronx.
Colonel:  Oh, my God! Call it intuition – ! I think they plan to put them in the sewers!
[Word association? “Bronx?” “Sewers!”]

Scientist:  Since I last saw you, Dr Hilton and I have successfully analysed the yolk of the egg. There! These are segmented dodecadric cells!

First scientist:  I don’t believe these belong to our planet.
Colonel:  Do you mean....they come from outer space?
Second scientist:
  Why not? How many worlds are there in the universe? Millions! Perhaps billions! True, they’re millions of light years away; but perhaps a form of life like this doesn’t have the same concept of time that we do. It stays inactive – passive – as long as it’s in the absolute freezing temperature of sidereal space! Then, once it falls into the atmosphere like ours, the seeds germinate, and the eggs grow.

Colonel:  A man could quite easily have brought the seeds here!
Scientist:  But a man would never do anything like that!
[A woman, maybe....]

Astronaut:  Well, come on, Colonel, what is it you want to know? How many times a week I screw?
Colonel:  If you’re always in this condition, it’s quite obvious you couldn’t get it up – even if you used a crane.

Cop:  What a waste of a good-looking woman! Is something wrong with her, or is she just married?
Astronaut:  Yeah, to a test-tube and a whip. You know, I don’t think the colonel would have been out of place in the snow cave on Mars.
Cop:  You know, all women are alike! All over the world! It’s just a matter of handling them properly. Now, I treat all women gently. Don’t worry! I have no intention of trying. I’m warm-blooded – I don’t like the cold!

Cop:  We would like to buy a large amount of your coffee. You know, somebody told us that here you toast a very special brand of coffee.
Colonel:  Yes! – a very, very special kind!
[Undercover experts at work.]

Possessed human:  It’s time for you to come.
Colonel:  Where?
Possessed human:  To the Cyclops!
Colonel:  The Cyclops?
Possessed human:  Yes! The Cyclops!

Astronaut:  STELLA!!
[Who needs Brando when you’ve got Ian McCulloch?]
.

From Crack in the World (1965)

First scientist:  It’s the Commission. They’re acting up.
Second scientist:  Is Rampion’s theory bothering them?
First scientist:  No, it’s the budget that bothers them. I could blow up the whole world with their blessing - if I did it cheaply enough.
[Ain’t it the truth....]

Scientist
:  It’s following a geological flaw in the earth’s crust known as the Masado fault. That runs from here, to the tip of India, then veers across towards Indonesia, then terminates off the Australian continental shelf.
[Whoo hoo! I love living in the middle of a lithospheric plate!]

Layperson
:  What if the crack keeps going - right around the world? What happens then?
Scientist:  Where the land masses split the oceans will be sucked in, and the colossal pressure generated by the steam will rip the earth apart - and destroy it.
Layperson:  You mean - the world will come to an end!?
Scientist:  The world as we know it, yes. As a cloud of astral dust, it will continue to move within the solar system.
[That’s what’s known as "scientific consolation"....]
.
From The Creeper (1948)

Good scientist:
  You may be right, Jim. Logically right. But morally in my catalogue of values man comes first. Without man, there wouldn’t even be a science!
Evil scientist:  The trouble with you is, you’re not a scientist! You’re a philosopher. In our world, there’s no room for philosophers!
Good scientist:  That’s precisely what’s wrong. There’s no place for the philosopher – the man whose sole function it is, just to think. How wonderful to have nothing to do but – just to think…!


Good scientist
:
  Let’s publish what we’ve learned and let it go at that.
Evil scientist:  Don’t tell me you can open the door to a great discovery – actually stand on the threshold – and not go any further!
Good scientist:  Jim, please! Granted, we’re the only men to introduce phosphorescence into living cell tissue. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been the great boon to surgery we’d expected.
Evil scientist:  Well, there’s something bigger than that! Can’t you see it?
Good scientist:  I see it all too clearly. It is big. Too big! We can’t control it! We’d be releasing energies that would result only in mutations, monstrosities, and death!


Male scientist [introducing his lab mice]:
Come over here and meet my favourite characters! See the fat one? That’s Gertrude. She’s a wonderful mother. That skinny one’s Ophelia. She has a suicide complex, poor thing. That chap who’s looking at you so brazenly, he’s a regular old rip! See the plump one? That’s Sandra. She’s a cute little--- [He is interrupted by the sound of breaking glass] Where’d she go?
Female scientist:  It’s nothing, John.
Male scientist:  What do you mean, nothing? People don’t just drop glasses and run out of offices! Or maybe it’s me. Do you think I have five o’clock shadow?

Concerned father:  You know, honey, what you need is a nice, long vacation, away from theories, and test-tubes, and guinea-pig cats…

First scientist [picking up cat]:  Here he is!
Second scientist:  Where do you suppose he was?
First scientist:  Probably at the end of the hallway. He loves those little guinea-pigs. But they’re bad for him, so full of flu germs…


Native
:
  My wife! My wife, doctor, she’s dead! Yesterday, she was fine, she was happy, but tonight she turned very white and swift she died!

Female scientist:  Of course, I wouldn’t feel qualified, but – if I did hazard a diagnosis, I should say that there were definite symptoms of schizophrenia. Tell me, Nora, don’t you ever find yourself awakening from some horribly realistic dream, in which you were another person? Perhaps not even another person; an animal; a – a cat? And don’t you ever feel, on awakening, that it wasn’t a dream, but true? That you are two separate beings, one the Nora we know, and the other---
[I’m glad she doesn’t feel qualified]

Female scientist: He’s dead?
Male scientist: Why does this always happen to me!

Female scientist:  How about taking in a movie and dinner?
Male scientist:  All right, Gwenn. What time?
Female scientist:  You don’t want to go.
Male scientist:  I didn’t say I didn’t want to go.
Female scientist:  You don’t sound very enthusiastic!
Male scientist:  Please don’t try to be difficult.
Female scientist:  You’d rather see her, is that it?
Male scientist:  Please, Gwenn! I’ll pick you up in half an hour.
Female scientist:  Don’t bother! You mean to much to me to be a burden to you.
Male scientist:  I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood.
Female scientist:  I’ll be working tomorrow. And I’ll be working day after tomorrow! From now on, I’ll always be working! That’s all I’m good for anyway, work, work, work! I might as well resign myself to it!
[There’s a reason female scientists don’t date much….]

Evil scientist:  I see, burned them. Well, I suppose that was best. Gwenn felt the same way. She destroyed all she could this afternoon---records, formulae, every bit of serum, except this. So I killed her. As I’m going to show you. After all, your father and I worked on it for a long time. It’s only right that you should see. A lot of people stood in my way! - you most of all. For your fathers sentimental weakening, I blame you. I don’t know how much your father told you. Now, I never will know. Nor will anyone else. The others who have seem this are dead. You and I will be the last...
.
From The Creeping Flesh (1972)

Famous last words:
 I’m a scientist, not a madman!

Relieved scientist:
  The serum! Thank God we didn’t use it on a human being!
Guilty scientist:  Errr...


Assistant:
  The experiments on the patients prove nothing. They’re already insane. Until you can artificially cause insanity, you can prove nothing.
Mad doctor:  Well, unfortunately, in the state of society today, we are not permitted to experiment on human beings. Normal human beings.


Assistant:
  I don’t know. It is a question of professional ethics--
Mad doctor:  Oh, indeed, indeed. That is why I shall have to employ someone for whom ethics have no significance
.
.

From Curse Of The Swamp Creature (1966)

Scientist:  You seem to have forgotten that I want no visitors. No-one must enter the swamp! Whoever attempts to enter the swamp – if they get by the quicksand – I want you to stop them! My work must be protected! Keep all strangers out of my swamp!

Bar girl:
  Nice to meet you, Mr West!
Oilman:  Call me ‘Driscoll’!
Bar girl:  You look lonely.
Oilman:  And you can cure that?
Bar girl:  I can try!
Oilman:  Sometimes the cure is worse than the illness.
Bar girl:  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
[Some women just don’t know an insult when they hear one, do they?]

First conspirator:
  What about the body?
Second conspirator:  Remember that – stump-cutter they used to clear the swamps out with…?

First goon:
  He gets seconds and coffee, while we do all the work!
Second goon:  That’s what a college education does for ya!

Scientist:
  I’m glad you question my work, Tom. If I hadn’t questioned my teacher’s work, I wouldn’t be here today.
Student:  Yes, sir.
Scientist:  Man has to find the answers, right?
Student:  Of course. But it gets to me…. Well, sir, in med school we used animals----
Scientist:  The best study of man is man himself. Now, this isn’t an ivory tower! Get back to the laboratory! I want to see your work tonight!

Student:
  Doctor, I’ve mastered it! Look at that!
Scientist:  I agree! That gill transplant is as fine as any I can do! Very good!
Student:  Do you believe that we can do the gill transplant on other animals as well as we did on the crocodiles?
Scientist:  Possibly.
Student:  Doctor, I was thinking: just the work you’ve done with the crocodiles, in taking them back along the evolutionary path and making them into fish would be enough to win you world acclaim!
Scientist:  Yes, but – acclaim - ? That’s nothing! To create life! To move it at will up and down the evolutionary path! That’s – something!

Scientist: You’re ready. Awake! The sound of my voice is your master!  Get up! Get up! The world awaits you as my first citizen!

Scientist’s wife:
  You killed Tom!
Scientist:  Tom is not dead! Now, you listen: Tom is not dead! He volunteered for the final experiment.
Scientist’s wife:  Oh! That’s a lie! He’d never volunteer for that! Who’d want to be turned into one of your pet monsters?
Scientist  [slapping her] Don’t you ever say that! You’ve always been too young and too stupid to understand my work!

Scientist:
  I’m afraid, my dear, that you’re going to put me in a very bad position.
Scientist’s wife:  Then why don’t you just kill me right now?
Scientist:  Kill you? I’ve no intention of – killing you.
[Mwoo-ha-ha!]

Scientist:
  Well, Tom – at last you’re going to make a contribution to science! Everyone has his place in the field of research. Tom? Tom, are you listening? Nod your head if you are! You'’e doing fine -–fine! You’re strong. You can stay under water indefinitely. You’re almost bulletproof! I’m envious of you, Tom! Hmm? Are you hungry? How clumsy of me! Let me get you a snack! [He hands ‘Tom’ a turtle] Here, boy! Here!

Scientist:
  You’re ready to come off the preserver, and make your debut – my beautiful, indestructible fishman!

Scientist:
  How can you look for oil without equipment – seismographs, drilling equipment?
Geologist:  Well – it’s not easy.

Scientist:
  We have a great deal in common! You’re looking for the result of the evolutionary process, and I am investigating – the evolution process.
Geologist:
  What are you working on?
Scientist:  Are you familiar with the Oceana theory of evolution?
Geologist:  Uh-huh. Seems to me it’s, uh, s-something about, uh – land life from the sea?
Scientist:  That’s the theory. Specifically, what makes it so important in my mind is that it deals with the evolution of man from the reptiles. For example – sea creatures, simple land creatures, snake-like reptiles, alligator-like reptiles, the dinosaurs – and somewhere along the line, man!
Goon:  You mean man hasn’t descended from the apes, but from snakes!?
Scientist:  Ritchie, that’s it in a nutshell! I happen to believe in the basic theory. The swamps provide me with the necessary forms of life to investigate: alligators, snakes, fish – and so forth….
[Mwoo-ha-ha!]

Scientist:
  She did it, Tom! She turned off the preserver machine before you were ready! Everything was going beautifully! For the first time, everything was controlled! Live, Tom! Live! Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! BREATHE!!

Scientist:
  You’re a perfect subject for the new derivatives! My dear Mrs West, I believe you will be an instantaneous transmutation!
.
From Deep Core (2000)

Female scientist:  We take the Series II vehicle from the Hainan facility; we dig three deep core wells, here, here and here. That should vent the tectonic pressure and stabilise the plates---
Male scientist:  You gotta be kidding me!
Female scientist:  You know, I don’t have to take this---
Male scientist:  You just breached the mantle! Look, the earth’s core is like an engine, okay? – and it’s whining full out in neutral. If you drill those holes--- What’d you call them? Vents? You might as well call them afterburners! You’ve just created directional propulsion, like a jet – only you’ve dropped the engine from neutral down to drive. You’ve just accelerated the hell out of what you started!

Female scientist:
 
Okay, Mr Wizard---
Male scientist:  That’s Doctor Wizard to you!

Female scientist:
  A nuclear bomb! Are you out of your mind!?
Male scientist:  No, not ‘a’ nuclear bomb: we need a series of them; we need synchronised detonation at precise seams along the plate.
Evil corporate type:  How do you propose to set off a synchronised detonation?
Female scientist:  You daisy-chain them with fibre optics.
Male scientist:  And that should initiate a sub-tectonic wave form which should---
Female scientist:  Shift the Pacific plates several miles in a few minutes! Do you have any idea what that will do!?
Male scientist:  It should drive the plates right into the Java Trench.
Female scientist:  And that would cool the mantle!
Male scientist:  Exactly!

Male scientist:
  What’s that flange for?
Female scientist:  You know, I don’t know. That’s one of the modifications for the Chinese specs.
Male scientist:  No, you’ve misunderstood my question. Let me re-phrase: what is a flange with seatings for explosive bolts doing on the back of a USDM?
Female scientist:  They said something about a cargo hold.
Male scientist:  What would a drilling machine need a cargo hold for?
Female scientist:  Look – it was an easy alteration, so I made it. Okay?
[I hope MIT is proud of her]

And with the end of the world imminent:

Male scientist:
  Look, there’s no time to work out the details with those guys in there! It’s either my team or no team – or you can put Saunders here in charge!
Female scientist:  Oh, you don’t think that I could be in charge?
Evil corporate type:  Look, that was never an option. If you can’t even get on with him now, we’re not going to have a team.
Female scientist:  Fine! Then I’m not on the team!
Evil corporate type:  Oh, look, don’t---
Female scientist:  No, no! I’ll be in my quarters!
[Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen….]

Female scientist:
 
The U-joint is toast.
Male scientist:  How long’s it going to take?
Female scientist:  Twenty, twenty-five minutes.
Male scientist: Tell you what: you make if fifteen, and Mr Wizard will show you his favourite magic trick.
Female scientist:  I thought that was Doctor Wizard?
.
From Demon Seed (1977)

Scientist
:
  At the risk of being simplistic, what you're looking at is a quasi-neural matrix of synthetic RNA molecules.

.
From The Devil Bat (1941)

Mad doctor [addressing his giant bat]:  Ah, my friend! Our theory of glandular stimulation through electrical impulses was correct!

Mad doctor:
Aren’t you curious about my new formula?
Victim #1: Yes, of course, but I didn’t want to be inquisitive. What is it?
Mad doctor: A new shaving lotion. Smell it!
Victim #1: Pretty strong, isn’t it?
Mad doctor: No, no! The scent evaporates a short time after you’ve used it. Try a few drops. Now, rub it here, on the tender part of your neck! Soothing, isn’t it?
Victim #1: Yes! When will it be ready for the market?
Mad doctor: Oh, it’s still in the experimental stage. I want to try it out on several people first, and see if it works!
Victim #1: Well, if you’d like to send me a bottle, I’d be glad to try it out. Goodnight, Doctor.
Mad doctor: Goodbye, Roy!


Apologetic woman:
Look, Don, I’ve loved you a long time, ever since we were kids – but I’m afraid it’s been more like a sister.
Rejected suitor: Well! I had no idea you felt that way!


Editor
:
Say, have you ever had a date with a girl?
Reporter: A girl? Oh, yes, a girl! I believe I did take a girl out once.
Editor: Well, did she smell sweet?
Reporter: Of course she smelled sweet! Most girls do!
Editor: Well, that’s because of Martin Heath Cosmetics, Ltd. They make all that goo that the women put on their faces so they won’t have to wash with soap and water!


Young woman
:
Oh, here comes Dr Carruthers! Hello, Doctor.
Mad doctor: Hello, Mary! I took a shortcut from my laboratory through a garden hedge!

Young woman
:
What do you think of Dr Carruther’s theory about a wild animal, Mr Layton?
Reporter: Well, frankly, I don’t think much of it.
Mad doctor: I can’t say that I blame you. But I, as a scientist, take many things into consideration that a layman might overlook!


Photographer
:
A little more chiffon, baby!
French maid: I do not understand!
Photographer: Aw, you know what I mean! A little more of your stocking!
French maid [raising her skirt]: Like this?
Photographer: Sure I like ‘em! Who wouldn’t?


Photographer
:
I’ll be back in a minute, Frenchie! And don’t worry none about those werewolves, ‘cause nothin’s gunna harm ya while I’m around!
French maid: You make Maxine feel so calm – my big, brave journalist!


Victim #2
:
That feels great! Very soothing!
Mad doctor: I don’t think you’ll ever use anything else!


Reporter:
You, my friend, are going to get a shot of the Devil Bat in action!
Photographer: Who, me? How?
Reporter: Have you noticed there’s a taxidermist’s shop in the village?
Photographer: Well, you wouldn’t suggest that I go out and stuff a bird, would you?
Reporter: One-Shot! To think that you would even hint that I would suggest you get the village taxidermist to build you a nice, big bat for pictorial purposes! Besides, a bat isn’t a bird, it’s a mammal.
Photographer: Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? Where is this bird-stuffing emporium?


Radio broadcaster:
I have as my guest in the studio Professor Percival Garland Rains, perhaps the world’s greatest authority on animal life! I am going to interview Professor Rains on the subject of the Devil Bat. Our radio audience can draw its own conclusion. Professor Rains, first let me ask you point blank, do you believe that any such creature as the Devil Bat exists?
Expert: I do not! In the Dark Ages, when men and women lived in caves, there may have existed a bat of this size, but not in this day and age!
      [Yup – he’s an expert, all right!]


Police chief:
If you suspect Carruthers, you’re barking up the wrong tree, Johnny. He’s the last man in this town that would harm anyone. Why, everybody loves him!
Reporter: Maybe so, but here’s something else I dug out! The Heath and Morton fortunes are based on a greaseless cold-cream formula that Carruthers invented!


Police chief:
Our police chemists couldn’t break down one of the ingredients. We thought perhaps you could.
Mad doctor: Why, I compounded this myself! It’s a new shaving lotion I’m experimenting with! The ingredient your chemists couldn’t break down I discovered years ago in Tibet.
Reporter: How did you happen to put it in a shaving lotion?
Mad doctor: Oh, the lamas use it in some of their religious rites as a perfume!


Expert:
I was still sceptical when I came to Heathville today to examine the body of this so-called "Devil Bat". But after seeing it personally, and making exhaustive research, I have arrived at the conclusion that the creature is the lone survivor of a type of giant bat that existed in great numbers during the early part of the Neolithic Age! Perhaps I should explain for the benefit of some of our listeners that the Neolithic Age is that period of antiquity commonly called the "Stone Age"….
Mad doctor [listening to broadcast]:  Imbecile! Bombastic ignoramus!


Mad doctor
:
Rub a few drops on your face!
Victim #4: Well, I’d rather wait until after I shave. Then my skin will be more tender and receptive to a lotion.
Mad doctor: Well, ah--- Just a little, here. The texture of the skin there is always very delicate!


Victim #4:
You never know what’s going to happen in this business!
Mad doctor: You can believe me, Henry: you don’t have to worry!


Victim #4
:
I’ve been going over the report of the company’s annual earnings. A net profit of over a million dollars! Not bad, eh? – when you remember what we built on: a mere ten thousand dollars for your formula! You shouldn’t have demanded all cash, Doc. You should have ridden along with us. Then you’d be rich, too! Ah, but then, you’ve had a lot of fun in your laboratory, with your experiments, dreaming up something new. You’re a dreamer, Doc. Too much money’s bad for dreamers!
      [Just call him "Mr Tact"….]


Victim #4
:
Your nerves are frayed, Doc. Now, calm down – get a grip on yourself! You’ve been working too hard on your formula!
Mad doctor: Formula! That’s but child’s play for a great scientist! Your brain is too feeble to conceive what I accomplished in the world of science!


Victim #4
:
I think I’ve got a clue to all those murders! It may peter out, but if half what I suspect is true, it’s the most diabolical plot that a madman ever concocted!

Reporter
:
Tell me, Doc: how did you develop a monster bat like that?
Mad doctor: You wouldn’t understand the scientific theory!
.
From The Devil-Doll (1936)

Male mad scientist: You’ve been working! I knew it by the howling of the dogs!

Male mad scientist
: I know our mistake now! It came to me one night in that cesspool of stupid minds.
Female mad scientist: Marcel! Marcel!
Male mad scientist: No more failures, Malita! The next one will have a perfect brain!

Banker
: Why, it feels warm! Almost flesh and bone – like the real animal.
Mad scientist: It is! Eight hours ago it was a full-grown St Bernard! Ah, you think I’m mad…. The world would think so too, if they knew what I was going to do. Lavond, my friend, millions of years ago the creatures that roamed this world were gigantic. As they multiplied, the Earth could no longer produce enough food. Think of it, Lavond! Every living creature reduced to one sixth its size! One sixth its physical need! Food for six times all of us! Lavond! You know that all matter is composed of atoms?
Banker: Yes, yes, of course I know.
Mad scientist: And all atoms are made of electrons?
Banker: Yes, I know.
Mad scientist: Well, I’ve found a way to reduce all atoms in a body simultaneously, to any desired degree, and still maintain life, as in this little dog.
Banker: Well, then, the dog should be alive.
Mad scientist: It is! It is! Only, in reducing the brain, all records were wiped off! No memory left! No will of its own!

Male mad scientist
[looking at the housemaid]: Malita, where did you get her?
Female mad scientist: In a Berlin slum. She’s an inbred peasant half-wit.

Female mad scientist
: Marcel is dead!
Banker: Poor tortured brain! Well, perhaps it’s better this way….

Banker
: This is like some horrible dream! I don’t want any part of this! Restore her to what she was!
Female mad scientist: No ! She will always remain small! Small! We can make the whole world small, as Marcel wanted!

Female mad scientist:
It might be safer to take him downstairs and make him small…?
Banker: He already is small, in mind. In fact, Malita, if most men were reduced to the dimensions of their mentality, Marcel’s plan wouldn’t be necessary.

Police chief
: I wouldn’t get too upset about that note, M. Matin. Probably not for you at all. Just some – religious fanatic. The city’s full of them around Christmas.
.
From Dinosaurus (1960)

Crook: We’re gunna be rich, boys. You hear that, Chica?
Local girl: I heard, Hacker.
Crook: You don’t sound too happy about it.
Local girl: Should I be?
Crook: Why, sure! You’re my little tamale, aren’t you?

Local girl
:
Senor Bart, when I was a little girl in another country, there was a revolution. My father taught me how to make bombs out of bottles and gasoline. We use some, no?
Engineer: We use some, yes!

Crook:
Jasper, your intelligence never ceases to amaze me. I didn’t know you were an anthropologist.
Goon: Not a very good one, boss. I mean, I haven’t been to church in years.

Kid:
Remember, you’re the friendly vegetarian, like it says on the cereal packet. Hey, you are friendly! We are going to be friends, you and me. That’s the bad tyrannosaurus! You better run and find a swamp to hide in, where he won’t follow you, ‘cause if he catches us, he’ll eat us both of us up. He’ll like you better than me, ‘cause you’re bigger, and I don’t want him to eat you. Run! I know you don’t know which way to run, and I wish I could tell you, but you see I’m just a boy, and I’m lost, ‘cause I don’t go out at night by myself and I don’t know where the swamps are….
      [And so on…and on…and on…]


Abducted woman:
Now, now. Nice caveman. You just sit there and I’ll fix things in the kitchen. Now, let’s see. What does a caveman do after a hard day in the jungle? No, don’t tell me. Let me think of something on my own. Like sitting down. And we’ll keep all the thoughts out of our romantic little Neanderthal mind. Okay? Let’s see. Maybe if I sing to you a song, you’ll fall asleep, and I can run away from you, hmm?
"Lullaby, and goodnight
Go to sleep little caveman…."
.