AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SCIENTIST!
IMMORTAL DIALOGUE
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From Macabra (1981)

Broke businessman: Do you realise all the money I borrowed? I feel like some fool who takes all his grandmother's money and goes to Las Vegas and loses it all.

Possessed victim: Either you cut my hand off or I'll kill you!

Helpful medical advice: This is going to be very painful, because it cauterises as it cuts.
[As it beats as it sweeps as it cleans....]
.
From Mesa Of Lost Women (1953)

Narrator:  Strange! – the monstrous assurance of this race of puny bipeds with overblown egos; the creature who calls himself ‘Man’! He believes he owns the earth, and every living thing on it exists only for his benefit. Yet how foolish he is! Consider: even the lowly insect that Man trods underfoot outweighs humanity several times, and outnumbers him by countless billions! In the continuing war for survival between Man and the hexapods, only an utter fool would bet against the insects. Let a man or woman venture from the well-beaten path of civilisation, let him cross the threshold of the limited intellect, and he encounters amazing, wondrous things; the unknown, and terrible. If he escapes these weird adventures with his life, he will usually find he left his reason behind. Perhaps that is what happened to these two souls, lost in the great Mexican desert. But then, ask yourself: why would anyone trod from the usually well-travelled roads of this modern age? – from the luxury of an air-conditioned automobile? It’s difficult for our modern world of statistics and electronics to accept miracles, but you could almost call this a miracle; a genuine miracle. Out of hundreds and thousands of square miles of heat and seared wasteland, where the vultures wait for the other vultures to die, an American oil surveyor has chosen to explore this particular terrible corner of the earth. The Muerto Desert; the Desert of Death! This surveyor can hardly credit his eyes. Perhaps they are only illusive images, produced by roasting the optic nerves? But if they do exist, if they are living things from somewhere, one fact is certain: miracle or not, they will not be living things for long. The Muerto Desert, true to its name, will soon convert them into dead things....

Narrator:  Quite a story he’s telling, isn’t it, Pepe? You heard from your people about Zarpa Mesa, and the mysterious Dr Araña, even though your bosses haven’t. So, why tell them? They would only laugh at you and say, “Poor Pepe! You’re getting old!” But you’ve heard for years about the grotesque and misshapen people; about the women – strange women who do not die! No, Grant Phillips doesn’t know the whole story. You see, he came into it rather late. It actually began---oh, almost a year ago; the night Dr Leland Masterson, the world famous specialist and researcher, found himself in the middle of the Muerto Desert; the Desert of Death!...

Narrator:  Apparently, they’ve come correctly; but to Masterson, it seems strange. A man with the genius of Araña, building his laboratory on an inaccessible mountaintop, in the middle of an uninhabited desert!? Why Zarpa Mesa? ‘Why Zarpa Mesa’, indeed.... A natural question, doctor, and one that was soon to be answered – although in a way so fantastic and horrible, as to make a man of science doubt his senses!

Mad scientist:  I trust your journey was pleasant?

Sane scientist:  Well, moderately. I must confess, though, that I was a trifle uneasy when your driver headed into the Muerto Desert! But everything seems to have worked out.

Mad scientist:  The sentimental human mind being what it is, this is the only sort of a place I could find to carry out my work.

Sane scientist:  These papers on the anterior lobe of the pituitary, and the effects of the specific hormones on other living things--- Quite the most remarkable endocrine series I’ve ever read!

Mad scientist:  Why, thank you, doctor! Coming from the world’s leading organotherapist, a fine compliment!

Sane scientist:  That’s why I jumped at the chance to come here – work with you – study your theories!

Mad scientist:  Let us understand one thing, doctor: these....are not ‘theories’.

Sane scientist:  Not theories!?

Mad scientist: I have successfully proved every point, over and over again in my laboratory.

Sane scientist:  Wait a minute! You want me to believe that you have produced these....things....by experimentation!?

Mad scientist:  And many more.

Sane scientist:  Then my eyes weren’t playing tricks!

Mad scientist:  So you can see why such work as this must be completed inside a mountaintop, amidst this desolation.

 

Mad scientist:  And then, experimenting one day upon the hexapods, I came upon the Theraphosidae family---

Sane scientist:  The tarantula?

Mad scientist:  Exactly! The tarantulas began to yield amazing results. They grew as large as human beings, and began developing new reasoning powers; and I found I had the telepathic power to communicate with them. And then I reversed the process; transplanted the control centre of the insect back into the human body. Doctor, observe this girl! I call her ‘Tarantella’. She has human beauty and intelligence, but still retains the capacities and instincts of the giant spider.

Sane scientist:  How so?

Mad scientist:  She has the indestructibility of the insect. If her body were to be damaged, if she were to lose an arm or a leg – she could grow a new one. I suspect Tarantella may survive for hundreds and hundreds of years!

 

Mad scientist:  If we are successful, I shall have a super female spider! – with a thinking and reasoning brain. A creature that someday may control the world! – subject to my will!

 

Sane scientist:  No! No! You can’t do these things! You’re tampering with the work of the Creator!

Mad scientist:  Gibberish!

Sane scientist:  Why, you’re evil! This place is like--- You must be destroyed! You, and all the foul things you’ve made!

Mad scientist:  Your choice, doctor. A very poor choice! Of course, you know I cannot let you leave this place.

Sane scientist:  Somehow, some way, I’ll find a way to put an end to you and your ghastly experiments!

[A henchwoman injects him; he collapses]

Mad scientist:  Regrettable. I was hoping for a colleague, but.... Well, at least we have another experimental subject.
.
From The Mind Ripper (1995)

Creation
:
You fed me soup.
Scientist: Chicken noodle.
Creation: You read to me.
Scientist: The ‘Hardy Boys’.
Creation: Yes. I liked them....
.
From Monster From The Ocean Floor (1954)

Scientist:
 
Did you know that over 70% of the earth’s surface is covered with water? Why, the Pacific alone here has an area of over 73 million square miles! The Atlantic--- Oh, I’m sorry! There I go, making noises like a biologist again!

Scientist:
Those tiny active particles are various forms of protozoa, for their size the most deadly in the world. It’s lucky for us they never grow any bigger than this!

First scientist:
 
Some pretty good-sized fish stray into that cove. My guess is, she snagged onto an irate stingray. Hmm…. Doesn’t look like the flesh of a stingray….
Second scientist:  Or any other fish I’ve ever seen!

First scientist:
  I’ve got an idea: let’s see what some of this canned meat will do to this stuff…. Why – it’s disintegrating!
Second scientist:  Intercellular absorption!

First scientist:
  Why, it’s assimilating the meat! Organic life of some kind….but – but what?
Second scientist:  It could be an amoeba, but I’ve only seen it in the most minute size.

First scientist:
  What could cause it to grow out of proportion this way?
Second scientist:  It could be one of many things. A freak accident. Dietary supplements. It even could be caused by – the radiation from the Bikini explosion….

First scientist:
  It could absorb a man!
Second scientist:  Or – a woman…!
.
From Night Of The Bloody Apes (1969 / 1972)
.

Doctor:  I have good news for you, Julio. Your analysis show a definite improvement. In the weekly seminar that was called early this morning, all of the doctors have definitely agreed with me that your infection has been detained.

 

Doctor:  The transfusions of human blood have been ineffective against this terrible leukaemia. I feel that the blood from an animal as powerful as that of a gorilla might annihilate whatever is causing the cancer in the blood.

Assistant:  But are you sure his system can stand the transfusion?

Doctor:  As it is now, no.

Assistant:  Well, then, why are you going to run the risk?

Doctor:  I am going to use the gorilla’s heart

Assistant:  You’re going to – !?

Doctor:  Transplant the hearts. Julio’s for that of the gorilla. Move the table over to the cage – and prepare the gorilla!

 

Doctor:  Come! Help me to drag the cadaver of the gorilla over to the incinerator.

 

Female wrestler:  I’m very frightened!

Policeman:  Are you starting the same thing all over? Why don’t you think about something else? You know what riders do when they get thrown from a horse? They remount in the act!

 

Female wrestler:  What’s the matter?

Policeman:  Just that I, uh, I’ve got problems with you. I don’t know how to tell you....

Female wrestler:  Well, just tell me!

Policeman:  It’s just that I saw Ramon, the sergeant, and he told me that---

Female wrestler:  That the chief has to see you in his office immediately!

Policeman:  Tell me how you knew!?

Female wrestler:  Because every time you invite me out to dinner, you stand me up! You never have a night free for me!

Policeman:  But that’s duty, my love!

Female wrestler:  My love, my foot!

 

Doctor:  I was prepared for everything – but not for this! I was prepared for a case of refusal, for auto-immunisation, which might affect the normal tissues, such as the pleura, and the red blood cells. But I never thought it would affect the cerebrum!

Assistant:  The cerebrum?

Doctor:  Yes. And what is more probable, is that the heart of a gorilla is much too potent for any human, and the volume of blood to the cerebrum, which couldn’t control this great pressure, damaged the superior parts. And when this happens, man becomes---an animal, completely without control, giving origin to the transmutation. The malignancy of the case is, that the process might occur each forty-five seconds – the time it takes for the blood to circulate through the normal body. At times as much as a minute, or a little more, if the person is in a state of unconsciousness.

Assistant:  How much time, master, for this transformation?

Doctor: It’s always impermanent. It might last for days, or hours, or minutes.

Assistant:  Are you trying to tell me that, at any moment, Julio might turn to normal?

Doctor:  That’s right. But his cerebrum will have the lesion forever. And he might repeat the transmutation, converting once again into a beast, or vice-versa; this way continuing the cycle.

[So, we all clear on that now?]

 

Doctor:  Suddenly an idea occurs to me, before it becomes too late!

Assistant:  What is it, master?

Doctor:  Invert the process, before the lesioned cerebrum becomes irreparable.

Assistant:  Invert the process? I don’t understand.

Doctor:  To do a new transfusion, and a new heart transplant from a human; from a person still alive, to – him.

Assistant:  But a person acting as a donor in this would die!

[And you call yourself a lab assistant!]

 

Doctor:  Remember that woman whose skull operation I did? Just what we need!

Assistant:  But that would be a crime!

Doctor:  But justifiable! That woman will die regardless. A little sliver of bone lesioned the cerebrum, and if by some miracle she lives, she’ll be an idiot for the rest of her life!

 

Elderly woman:  Oh! A dead man! A dead man! A dead man! A dead man!

Policeman:  Who yelled?

Elderly women:  I did, sir! There around the corner, there’s a man and he’s dead!

 

Doctor #1:  And now, doctors, I think our duty is to report to the authorities.

Doctor #2:  But that would be disastrous for the hospital!

Doctor #3:  Our colleague’s right! Our reputation would suffer for it!

Doctor #1:  True. We find ourselves in a situation that’s difficult. But please recall that the persons who accompanied the sick woman when she came here would be obligated to---

Doctor #4:  Pardon me for interrupting, doctor, but permit me to remind you that the woman had been prohibited all visitors since she came out of the operation.

Doctor #5:  Of course! That gives us the opportunity to account for her disappearance!

Doctor #3:  But only a few days, no more!

Doctor #1:  Very well, doctors. But, uh---then what are we to do? And meanwhile, what are we to say to the personnel of the hospital? They all know what’s going on. [Long silence] Of course, if her infirmity is now critical – or a high fever might produce what commonly is called delirium.... Of course, the woman might have been a sleepwalker...?

Doctor #2:  A sleepwalker! Any sleepwalker gets up! Then she could have jumped out of the window and escaped!

Doctor #3:  Or got lost! I’ve got the solution!

Doctor #1:  And that is, Dr Lopez?

Doctor #3:  We’ll tell the personnel of the hospital that this woman, in a state of somnambulism, has disappearing – and that we ask the most absolute discretion for the good name of our hospital – while the directors conduct their investigation of the case.

Doctor #2:  I agree with Dr Lopez! And besides – we must give a strong reprimand to the personnel!

Doctor #1:  Very well, doctors: if this is the opinion of the majority, I’m agreed also....

 

Policeman:  All of the crimes were committed in this sector. And now look at the prints they picked up from the window at the scene of the first crime. Show them the pictures, please.

Analyst:  Observe these! Those lines on the first print are human, but the others aren’t. Maybe they belong to some animal I’m unable to identify.

Policeman:  But they’re not made by two different persons. Or to put it more clearly, it’s that the two of them were made by the same person or thing, whatever it may be, person or animal.

 

Policeman:  We’re face to face with a terrible reality. What I’m going to say just might sound absurd – and it could only happen in this century – but from all of the proofs you’ve just seen, and the declaration of the young girl, I have come to this conclusion: that whatever committed these atrocities is a beast, yes, but a horrible half-beast, half-human!

Chief of detectives:  I’ll say that’s absurd! The proofs are circumstantial! It’s more probable that of late, more and more you’re watching on your television many of those pictures of terror!

 

Newspaper editorial:  ---and I believe that some horrible half-man, half-animal is responsible for the crimes that have been committed. It’s unbelievable that such things can happen in the 20th century! What are the authorities doing to clear up the case?

 

Doctor:  It’s necessary to get him out of here while he is still asleep.

Assistant:  No danger by trying to move him?

Doctor:  That’s a risk that I’ll have to face. Possibly he’d recognise where he is, causing traumatised emotions – and a crucial nervousness that could give rise to a new transformation.

 

Policeman:  Poor fool! The desire to save his son from death was the cause of so many people’s suffering!

Female wrestler:  It’s unfortunate. Really sad.
.
From On The Beach (1959)

Scientist: Do you really want to know who I think started the war?
Sailor: Yeah!
Scientist: Why?
Sailor: Well - you’re an egghead, aren’t you?

Party guest [to American naval officer]:
My second husband was an American. We travelled all over the world, and everywhere we went, he would say to people, "I am an American! I am an American!" They finally shot him in one of those Eastern countries....
.
From Orca (1977)

Biologist: So, you refuse to quit?
Fisherman: That’s not my style either. Especially when a pretty and intelligent girl like you tells me that I’m dumber than a fish.

Biologist:
Forget what I said. I thought you were an insensitive boor and I exaggerated to make a point. I was wrong. You’re a sensitive boor.

Immortal lyrics:

I will bring the sun through darkened clouds
And I will leave with you rainbows for your eyes
Rainbows for your eyes
Now, my love, we are one
We are one
We are one, cried my love
Let me lead you where the moonlit waters fall
Shadows softly call
My love, we are one
We are one
We are one, cried my love
Let me lead you where the stillness of the night
Delivered dawn’s first light
My love, we are one
We are one
We are one
We are one

.
From Orgy Of The Dead (1972)

Policeman: It doesn’t look good for you! Your statements about zombies don’t hold water!

Mad doctor:
Kill you myself? No. I have my zombies for this. Incredible, isn’t it?
Hero: But how can you do this?
Mad doctor: I’ve put inside their brains a small capsule which maintains the life of certain senses. They can move their limbs and hear. I haven’t yet been able to make them see or speak, but I will with time.
Hero: Why do they obey you?
Mad doctor: Their brain capsules receive impulses from my brain.
Hero: Hypnotism of the dead!?
Mad doctor: Why not? If you can with the living who have a will, why not with the dead?
Hero: What do you intend to do?
Mad doctor: Nothing. My goals are purely scientific. That’s why I killed Mihaly. He was a megalomaniac and wanted to form an army. Can you imagine what an army like that would be? – insensible to pain, without material wants or emotions, and blind obedience?
Hero: Why did you kill the others?
Mad doctor: I assure you I’m the first to regret it, but things became very complicated….

.
From The Phantom From 10,000 Leagues (1956)

Daughter: I’ve never seen you this detached from me – from reality.
Scientist: I’m working on breathtaking things, Lois! Great things!
Daughter: And you still won’t tell me what it is?
Scientist: Not yet.
Daughter: You’ve got your own staff consumed with curiosity. Even your secretary has asked me if I know what it is you’re doing behind that tightly locked lab of yours!
Scientist: She’s a sneaking, prying female! I should fire her! And I suppose George is quizzing you, too?
Daughter: A little. I think he feels a deep resentment because you cut him off from your work so.
Scientist: He’s an opportunist, not a scientist!
[I find that working inside a lab is a bit more productive….]

Investigator
:
Oh, you’d be surprised to know how well Washington knows you! Care to hear how famous you are? "Dr Stevens, oceanographer. One of the leaders in his field. Author of two highly controversial books, ‘Biological Effects Of Radiation On Marine Life’ and ‘Nature’s Own Death-Ray’."
Scientist: You have been busy, Mr Grant!
Investigator: There’s more! "Dr Stevens, in a laboratory experiment, successfully activated the hydrogen isotopes in heavy water to form an atomic chain reaction. He called this development the first workable death-ray." Suppose you tell me what you were doing with that Geiger counter?
Scientist: Well, I told you I thought the boat showed radiation burns. I wanted to verify it. I did. Scientific curiosity, you might say!

Janitor
:
You know what they’re saying in town? That nothing like this ever happened until they opened this school here!

Janitor
:
It ain’t normal – this carrying on!

Older scientist’s daughter
:
You seem a little nervous, Mr Baxter!
Younger scientist: Why don’t you call me ‘Ted’? ‘Mr Baxter’ seems so formal, especially here at the beach!

First scientis
t:
I saw a fisherman’s body washed up on the shore last night.
Second scientist: These men get very careless. They think they rule the sea, but it’s just the opposite! The sea rules us!

First scientist
:
You say you made a close examination of this light?
Second scientist: Not as close as I would have liked! It was being guarded by a – a sea serpent! A hideous beast that defies description!
Second scientist: Oh, doctor, if I didn’t know you were a scientist of high standards, I’d say you were a victim of the ridiculous ‘Phantom’ stories that are running wild around the village!

First scientist
:
Since marine life lives in a constant flow of heavy water, the effect of radiation on it would be completely different than it is on humans.
Second scientist: That’s your theory on mutations, isn’t it, doctor?
First scientist: Yes. And if what I believe is true, this monster that I saw in the ocean was a mutation of some sea creature. You see, it draws its energy from the nuclear light itself, just as plant life needs the sun to grow on!
Second scientist: Well, have you any evidence to support this fantastic theory of yours?
First scientist: I created such a mutant in my own laboratory!
Second scientist: Oh, come now, doctor!
First scientist: I destroyed it, just as this creature must be destroyed! And the knowledge that went into creating it!

Scientist
:
Ethel, I consider you an intelligent woman. A bit bitter, perhaps. No great lover of mankind. But still, intelligent….

Male traitor
:
Where will I find you?
Female spy: I’ll be spending most of my time soaking up a little sun at Colby’s Point. That’s where we used to meet, remember?
Male traitor: I remember. For quite a while we were just a man and a woman. I didn’t know then that they could put beauty and poison together so cleverly in one package!
Female spy: Ha, ha, ha!

Scientist
:
Dr Stevens is a very bright young man. Sometimes I think he’s too bright!
Daughter: Too bright? I don’t understand what you mean!
Scientist: Oh, just an old coot thinking out loud!
[Being ‘too bright’ is obviously not an affliction that runs in this family….]

Scientist
:
You know, science is a devouring mistress! She devours all who seek to fathom her mysteries. And for every secret she reveals, she demands a price – a price that a scientist must be prepared to pay. Even at the cost of his life – or the life of others who stand in the way of his search!
Daughter: You say that almost as though you were threatening me!
Scientist: You? Ha, ha, ha! What nonsense!

Scientist
:
Knowledge sometimes has jaws, like a steel trap! And it can destroy either the hunter or the hunted!
Daughter: You frighten me when you talk like that!

Janitor
:
Do you mean to say that’s one of God’s creatures?
Scientist: No, Andy, that’s one of man’s follies – and I pray to God there’ll never be another!

Older scientist’s daughter:
I know he meant this power to help humanity, not destroy it!
Younger scientist: I’m sure he did. And he paid for his mistake. Nature has many secrets that man mustn’t disturb. This was one of them!
.
From Project X (1968)

Scientist: How much has Dr Crowther told you?
Nurse: Only that Hagan Arnold was on a special mission in Sino-Asia. Did he fail?
Scientist: No, no, on the contrary, he was quite successful. He was sent to confirm the rumour that the Sinoese were mass-producing male babies.
Nurse: Only boys?
Scientist: Scientific breakthrough!

Military man
:
We’ve got to find out what that message meant!
First scientist: We’ve tried.
Military man: As far as I can see, not hard enough!
Second scientist: There’s resistance, and that resistance is in Hagan Arnold’s brain.
Third scientist: Dr Crowther was right.
Military man: I’m not interested in who’s right or wrong! I want results!
Second scientist: There’s nothing else we can do! Now, you’ve got to reconcile yourself to that fact!
Military man: It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever get involved with scientists again!

First military man
:
You can’t just let us die!
Scientist: Oh, it can’t be helped, unfortunately! But if we all keep our heads, I think we can confine these diseases to our own little group.
Second military man: Our own little group!?
Scientist: We must remain absolutely calm. The fever will come on slowly. At first, it will be hardly noticeable. Then there’ll be physical signs – swellings, sores. Bone-crushing pain….
First military man: Oh, my God!
Scientist: The dead must be cremated by their surviving companions, who will in turn, of course, be disposed of by their survivors, and so on…. The clothing should be burnt, also; ultimately, the buildings; until finally, the last man dies in what will be, I’m afraid – indescribable agony….
.