IMMORTAL DIALOGUE
And You Call Yourself a Scientist! Home | Index

Policeman: This person that you and Professor Saunders disposed of, who was he?
Scientist: Armand Tesla, the depraved Romanian scientist, who died in 1744, shortly after publishing his work on vampirism. Tesla’s morbid thirst for knowledge turned upon him, and after his death he himself became a vampire.

Scientist: I’ve never met Dr Bruckner, but I feel we’re doing a good thing for humanity, helping a fellow scientist to escape the Nazi yoke.
(Yeah, the hell with rescuing soldiers!)

from Rocketship XM (1950)

Male pilot:  This is the hottest crew I’ve ever worked with! Particularly the brains department.
Male reporter:  Yeah – very attractive, too!
Male pilot:  Yeah, I agree. But – you can quote me on this! – unless you look like a test tube or a chemical formula, you haven’t got a chance.

Male pilot:  Now, don’t get mad at me – but can’t you ever relax? All these weeks, months, I’ve been watching you: nothing but work, work, work. Now, I’ve been wondering: how does a girl like you get mixed up in a thing like this in the first place?
Female scientist:  I suppose you think that women should only cook, and sew, and bear children?
Male pilot:  Isn’t that enough?

Male scientist:  There must be an error there.
Female scientist:  I have made no error, Dr Eckstrom.
Male scientist:  I have to say you have made an error – and discard your figures. I’m sorry.
Female scientist:  Don’t be.
Male scientist:  Surely you’re not going to let emotion enter into this?
Female scientist:  Certainly not.
Male scientist:  We’ll continue computing using my figures as the basis.
Female scientist:  Yes, Doctor. Except that I feel very strongly I should say that – we should try both.
Male scientist:  We can’t. To complete either calculation will take 6-8 hours. We can’t afford the time. It’s either one or the other, Dr Van Horn.
Female scientist:  But it doesn’t have to be! You can’t be arbitrary about imposing your will when these people’s lives are at stake! Don’t you realise that? You speak as calmly as if you were saying “Pass the salt”. Aren’t you human? Are you made of ice? I’m sorry. I apologise.
Male scientist:  For what? For momentarily being a woman? It’s completely understandable, Miss Van Horn.

Female scientist:  Doctor – can we be quite sure that these proportions are safe? We never proved it by experiment.
Male scientist:  The mathematical theory is beyond question.
Female scientist:  But of course, we know----  Sometimes it behaves unpredictably!
Male scientist:  Woman’s intuition again?

Spiritualist: Now, on this very night, I have called her from the unknown depths of time itself! She is here - and, with her coming, the world will never be as it was! Neither man nor animal will be the same! This I, Dr Carlo Lombardi, have brought into being!

Spoilt rich girl: Enjoying your weekend with the idle rich?
Poor-but-honest scientist: Pretty heady stuff for a Professor of Psychic Research!
Spoilt rich girl: Oh, you sound a little disapproving.
Poor-but-honest scientist: Not at all. I just don’t feel I belong in your world of yachts and racing stables. Some of those tycoons in there! - including your father - kind of frighten me.
Spoilt rich girl: Oh, come now! This kind of life shouldn’t be too hard to get used to.
Poor-but-honest scientist: Let’s face it: I’m an Iowa farm-boy with a Professorship at the University - but basically, a farm-boy!

Spoilt rich girl: You’re a million miles away, Ted! And just when I thought I was starting to get through to you.
Poor-but-honest scientist: Look, Dorothy: I’m out of my element in a place like this. This preoccupation with trivialities! - this talk about money! I’m what you might call a square, I guess.
Spoilt rich girl: I’m real, aren’t I?
Poor-but-honest scientist: I don’t know. Sometimes I think you are, and then I see you as part of this elegant decay.
Spoilt rich girl: Well, that sounds like a high-class brush off!

Cop: You’re gunna have to help me on this one, Doc. More in your line than mine.
Scientist: You’re not going for that supernatural hokum, are you?
Cop: I don’t know what I’m going for! I know he’s a killer. He doesn’t really deny it. He just laughs at me and says, "Prove it!"
[Dontcha hate criminals who do that??]

Official: I see where you classify your import as a "snow creature".
Scientist: That’s right.
Official: Well, it’s necessary that we clarify its immigration status.

from The Tingler (1959)

Bystander: Does it always kill them in – in the chair?
Doctor: Well, I’ve never heard of it failing.
Bystander: Well, in the chair, does it hurt them?
Doctor: Not if it’s done properly – at least, I don’t think so.
Bystander: Even a slight shock hurts---
Doctor: Try putting an electrode soaked in saline solution on your head, and another strapped to your leg, and then slamming two thousands volts between them. If it hurts, let me know.

Doctor: I seldom know who they were or what they did, I suppose because I don’t want to know. Science is sometimes – frighteningly impersonal!

Young woman: I sometimes – like right now! – wish he didn’t work for you at all. That he was---

Doctor: What, a Persian rug merchant? Or---
Young woman: Oh, that’s much worse! Just an ordinary eight to fiver with a yen for picket fences.
Doctor: And waste one of the best minds in pathology?
Young woman: Not really. I love David just the way he is. I don’t even want to change him. Golly, is that abnormal?

Assistant: Here, I got that prescription for you.
Doctor: Oh, good. You know, from the articles I’ve read, this is a very interesting drug.
Assistant: So is nitroglycerine!
Doctor: Dave! Where’s that "all for science" attitude?

Husband: That was a charming little scene out there.
Wife: Yes – wasn’t it?
Husband: Love in bloom, right on the sidewalk. Rather shopworn, though, isn’t it?
Wife: Don’t tell me you’ve abandoned corpses for peeping out of windows?
Husband: If there was anything honest about your behaviour I might feel differently, but there isn’t. You’re just playing the field – and vice versa.

Wife: You know, Warren, you’ve lost touch with living people. Nobody means anything to you any more unless they’re dead – and you can root around inside them with your sharp little knives. There’s a word for you.
Husband: There’s several for you!

Wife: The only way Dave Morris will marry my sister is over my dead body!
Husband: Unconventional – but not impossible.

Husband: You’re not hurt, dear. It was just a blank cartridge. But thanks for helping with the experiment. You played your part excellently.
Wife: Oh, I see….
Husband: Sharing in your husband’s work, and all that, you know…. [A cat yowls] Kitty? Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…. I was going to use this cat, but you made a much better subject. Have you two met? In the same alley, perhaps?

Assistant: Working for the advancement of human knowledge is one thing, but dying for it - !
Doctor: Well, if that’s your attitude, we’ll just have to wait until we find someone else who’s willing to die for the advancement of science! And eventually, we will….

Doctor: The only way I can frighten myself is to make it real – jump out of a window, get run over by a car, go out and drown….

Wife: Home so soon?
Husband: Did you hear what the little husband said to the big wife?
Wife: Is this another of you oblique jokes?
Husband: He said, "Why does the back door slam every time I come in the front door?"

The Toxic Avenger Part II (1989)

Philosophical mutant superhero: At first I found it hard to believe that my father was Japanese, and that I was part-Japanese. But that would explain why I've always had these strange, non-American urges to work very hard, save money, and live without credit cards.

Depressed radioactive superhero: The Tromavillians tried to put on a brave face and made the best of their mutated environment. But what does one feed to a creature that is half frog, half duck? Worse yet, what would you call it?

from 12 To The Moon (1960)

Geologist: You disconnected it, you crazy man!
Engineer: You don’t understand! This is our chance! Think! If the North American continent were to remain frozen, your greatest rival would be powerless! I am one with you, don’t you see? This way, we control the West! – and ultimately, the world!!
Geologist: What do you mean?
Engineer: You are not one of "us"!?
Geologist: I am not only a scientist, I am also a human being, not an insane murderer!
Engineer: You traitor!!